hi strangers.
i know i've been horrible this month; completely invisible. i could explain how busy ive been, which i have, but its really not an excuse considering how much this blog cures me. i realized that tonight sitting in my solidarity and i felt the need to write. its kind of crazy how writing this blog literally clears my mind and refreshes me.
i'm feeling weird. i can't really define what it is thats going through my mind right now, and lately. so while i try to explain, lets give a little background.
for personal reasons that i don't feel like going into, i used to cry a lot. and i don't mean i cried on more than one occasion but i mean A LOT. most days. some days just a few tears from a simple i love you that stung and pierced my heart yet i couldn't live without it. some days sobs. i was an emotional wreck on an emotional rollercoaster. so now this year i barely cry. sometime's i thought it was because my tear ducts were dried up. because all my tears were taken from me. like i didn't have any left. and i was feeling good.
maybe i've slipped into a little rut or just a little rough patch; but lately i've been feeling that same pit in my throat i felt all those days that i wept. that anything can spark a tear, a sob even. i find myself having dreams at night about the past that i dont want to have. and i sit here listening to slow, meaningful love songs and i feel that pit in my throat. i wonder where it came from. maybe its just the monotony, im not really sure. but i can tell you that im trucking through to get out of it because i know i will. infact, i garuntee writing this will take it away. i just think its interesting; how somebody can feel a certain way for no reason. which leads me to talking about something completely different. which is the simple fact of feeling something that you just cant explain. i think some things just happen, they weren't meant to happen, and maybe you didn't even want them too. im talking positive here. but i think there are some things that you can't help but feel for whatever reason. i'm talking the realization of your heart opening up and giving it to somebody. i'm talking about the realization that a silly thing turns into something more. and i'm talking about the realization of wanting it. i think its the most wonderful and pleasant surprise. being handed something you never expected. but its right. it just fits.
hah. im sitting here laughing at myself just thinking about what the hell is going on with me. there i go just talking about being sad but as crazy as it is, im not anymore. after saying that im not. infact, i feel that i have more faith than ever. i believe in life and love and happiness. i trust. i 'm here, i'm not vacant but im right here. steady, enjoying life, through all the ups and downs.
i know this made absolutely no sense at all, but maybe you can relate out of this jumble.
in the words of dmb:
I walk half way around the world,
Just to sit down by your side.
And I would do most anything girl,
To be the apple of your eye.
Troubles they may come and go,
But good times they are the gold.
And if this road gets rocky girl,
Just steady as we go.
Any place you wanna go,
Know I'll be next to you.
If it's treasure baby you're looking for,
I'll search the whole world through.
Know troubles they may come and go,
But good times they're the gold.
So if the road gets rocky girl,
Just steady as we go.
enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. lalalala.
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