winding down

so its that time of year when we all start to reflect on the events of the past 12 months of our lives. New Years. and im sitting here the night, (well if we want to get technical its actually the day of new year's eve, but i hate being technical) before new year's eve and i could go about this blog in many a way. i could choose to make a list of my favorite things of 2008, which i actually have already done on mine&tay's fashion blog or i could say a simple sentence or two, or i could say more.

so what im going to say about 2008 is this:

i think this year has been quite possibly my most memorable, eventful, and scary years of my life. each of those qualities have a positive and a negative side, but i would say those are the three best descriptors.

i began 2008 on one of the oddest, really almost most dreadful notes ever. im talking really if you want to be sane you shouldnt start your year on this note. im not going to get into the details of my personal life (and if your really so curious you can ask), but i vow to never begin a year like that again. ever. december 31, 2007 was truly a night of ups and downs, including the minutes to follow the beginning of 2008. im superstitious, believe things happen for reasons, at the same time happening depending on choices. i especially believe that about new years. i believe that your attitude, the way you feel, the people that surround you when you chime in the new year combine to set up the way the year will unfold. and i dont think i made the most fabulous choices when it comes to those things last year, which led to my wild ride.

i dont think i was truly, truly happy until the latter half of 2008. i personally dealt with a lot in a lot of different ways, and maybe even talked myself into believing i was happy when i really wasn't. when i think back on it, i think it had to do with comfort, security. not about what i really truly wanted. i'll admit that it had to do with losing my sight of what was important. to leading myself onto a path that i wouldn't have ever chosen. ill admit that at times it felt like i was holding my breath, letting the minutes pass while i was just sitting there watching them with no control. but then i get to the point where i could breathe and i could feel that i was breathing and smiling and actually enjoying those minutes passing by. that waking up in the morning was sunshiney again and the littlest things can really give you the greatest thrills. that life is about dancing in the rain, not waiting for the storm to pass. because now entering into 2009, i can whole-heartedly say that i am very, very happy.

2008 was also about growing up. in so many ways i realized growing up was happening. i dont feel that process is quite over yet, i think i just finally realized it was happening. if you have read my blog before, you have probably read the reflective essay i wrote about growing up and how much i wish i would have savored the moments of being a child the way i do now. maybe its because my brother grew up, and left home and i realized we weren't two bickering little kids who would yell goodnight to eachother through our bathroom's forever. that suddenly i didnt have that anymore. that i looked at him one day and realized he wasnt going to keep me captive while we played cowboys and indians, but rather was going to try to protect me from miles and miles away from cowboys and rockstars. maybe its because i got my driver's license and finally was handed the freedom to take myself anywhere. i make the choices where i go now. maybe its because i got to the age where i couldn't be a kid at my favorite place in the world anymore, but had to be a responsible adult. maybe its because im halfway through junior year and i feel like i haven't even blinked twice.

all in all, i think 2008 has made me different. not that its changed me, because i dont believe that you can ever TRULY change, but that it has evolved me, molded me into something new. a happier, more mature, more in the now self. but i know it will be a year for the record books. i expect the same from 2009, but in a happier fashion; so the pressure's on. i think to me, what is most prominent about this year is something that is going to sound so cliche its gross. and you can think what you want when i say it but its the truth, 2008 taught me to fucking carpe diem. to seize the damn day. because life is too short, time goes too fast and as much as id like, you cant stop it. you NEVER know what will happen tomorrow, and each day is about living right now, living for yourself, living for love and living for happiness. living for life.

happy new year everybody, may it bring you peace, health, happiness, and love. and please carpe the diem out of yourself.


ENJOY THE POWER AND BEAUTY OF YOUR YOUTH, lalalala