Here is my final curtain call, my final hurrah, my final time when I can write about my nonsense life and have a room of people that are literally forced to listen to it. Today, is my second to last Tuesday of grade school. Wait, what? No, that can’t be right. Well, Chloe, its time to face the music because it is beyond right.
But I am just a kid. Or am i? Suddenly, without any of my permission, I am being forced to grow up. It’s not a year in the future, or even six months, in a lot of ways, it is now.
But not just a kid, not just an adult, who am I? Not defined by age or life stage, but rather defined by the small things that make up the bigger picture. Without even noticing it, I became my own person these past four years, and have changed drastically over them.
Officially, I am a walking cliché.
Cliché #1) Dance like nobody’s watching. I used to think that meant dance like a crazy person, which, in many cases, it does. But that is not all it means. For me, it means that I dance for myself, and for no one else. I dance what I’m feeling. I dance for energy, I dance for laughter, I dance for the little workout I do once in a blue moon. But I dance, like nobody’s watching, because a lot of times people aren’t watching. Why is it that we always think people are watching? Sure, people watch. But we flatter ourselves too much. We do things, or don’t do things, because people are watching. News flash, most people are too busy watching their own lives to be watching ours. That’s why I dance like nobody’s watching, because nobody is and nobody cares and I can do it for myself.
Cliché #2) Live well, laugh often. I live well. I have a wonderful family. My parents are still inlove and would do anything for eachother, for me, or for my brother. My brother is my best friend. My dog could not be more adorable and loving. I have a comfortable big bed, my mother cooks for me, and I am happy. I live well. But, I also do what to me is pure bliss. I listen to calming music, dim the lights, and burn a lavender candle. I write in my journal next to the sunset. I leave school and put on a bathing suit and tan with my friends and listen to music and laugh. Laugh often, sure people laugh often. But I think we all need to laugh hard, all the time. Not just often. I’ve learned to laugh hard every moment possible. Laughter is a medicine. In tenth grade, I didn’t laugh. I was caught up in something I was blind of, and desperately inlove with a poison of a person. I stopped caring about myself, and only cared for him. I was under a charming but hurtful spell, and looking back, would love to shake my tenth grade self and say that I deserved better. But I didn’t think so. Not only did I lose myself, I lost the ability to laugh. I remember after finally getting out of that, laughing for the first time. Like dancing, it was liberating. Isn’t laughing often living well? We all have life, we all have baggage, we all have shitty days, but if we can just laugh, we are living well.
Cliché #3) Carpe Diem. If you know me well, you know that is my favorite phrase. It is the web address of my blog, written on my computer, my walls at home, and in my car. Seize the day. Live each day to its fullest, live each moment to its fullest. Take advantage of opportunities, take chances, even if you fall. What people always forget is that although carpe diem is a positive phrase, it doesn’t rule out the negative that inevitably comes with life. Be okay with the fact that life is not perfect. This year I learned that. Life is unplanned, and as much as we try to plan, try to remain type A, we cannot predict exactly how thing will play out. I realized that and suddenly freaked out. What was going to happen? When was it going to happen? I needed to know. And because of that, I drove myself crazy enough to suffer from some pretty bad anxiety. I forgot to seize the day because I was afraid, and I’ve learned more and more that life is carpe diem. Life is about seizing the moments because we truly have no prediction of what is next. Its about the trials and tribulations, and believing that behind every grey cloud there is a rainbow. That right there, is a cliché in itself, so I guess we can call that cliché 3.5, but in my opinion, that is one hundred percent true and I one hundred percent believe it. Anxiety sucks, but I am stronger. That is the bright side. People die, but new lives are born and the old ones are remembered fondly. That is the bright side. That is the carpe diem of every situation, not just seizing the day, but embracing the good in everything. Trying to. We all just have to try.
I still have a lot of self discovery to do, and cliché number 4) life is a journey, I think applies to all of us right now. We know where were going, but we don’t have a clue what it will truly be like. That is the journey, that is the self discovery for all of us. I hope to learn something new about myself everyday. I plan to do something that scares me, everyday. I plan to take chances, everyday. Because not taking chances, not laughing, not loving, not dancing, was not living, and we all must live.
Maybe those clichés are silly to some of you, probably most of you, but somehow, we all believe in them. Maybe different wording, maybe different applications, but we all believe in them.
I am not a kid, not an adult, just a person, scared of whats to come but excited, confident that if I take chances, I will live.
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